And if they stole it, the police would Cesium. Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen? Use your power of observation and take a look at some of these brilliant and nerdy puns that only scientists would understand. He cuts off a back leg, yells jump; the frog barely manages to jump 6 inches. Please write to your congressman to repeal Newton's third law. 3. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe. the recent outbreak of the Coronavirus (COVID-19), it’s important to understand A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.The optimist sees the glass half full. The optimist sees a glass as half full. ", H2O Timmy's teacher asks the class, "What is the chemical formula for water?" These cookies do not store any personal information. Francisco Bay Area and BeyondNOVATO, Calif. (April 17, 2020) CP Lab Safety, a Woman Own, Alameda, CA, April 2020 – Local Two physicists walk into a bar. The third logician says "Yes. Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools. The Science of the Seasons for Kids. \ / The first guy says, "I'll have some H2O." Why are chemists great for solving problems? When you are young, everything seems to be funny and cool. Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns. That’s a hardware issue. The past, the future, and the present all walked into a room at the same time... A Neutron walked into a bar and asked the cost of a beer. "One... Two... Three..." Pascal runs off right away to find a place to hide. Classroom Coding & Robotics … Everything You Need to Get Started, Protected: Classroom Talk-to-Text Project, Powerful Things Happen When We Let Kids Choose What They Read, What Teachers Need to Know to Help Left-Handed Students Succeed, Join the WeAreTeachers Influencer Network. You're Over-reacting! Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. "Washing, Cleaning and Drinking". More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users. Einstein is bored, so he suggests, "Let's play hide-and-seek. If I were an Enzyme, I'd be DNA HELICASE so I could unzip your genes! Q: What is the chemical name of the following benzene-like molecule? Methylated spirits. Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes. Ah, barium anyway, just to see how he reacts. ", It replies, "I don't have any. ", Three statisticians go duck hunting. Edison thought it would be an illuminating experience. Two molecules are walking down the street and they run into each other. What is the HCS (Hazard Communication Standard)? Hertz said in the future he planned to attend with greater frequency. The kid replies, "I had sex with my teacher." Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? 7. people are won, During this novel coronavirus outbreak, we all need to take The biologist shoots at a deer and misses 5 feet to the left. Q: Why did Carbon marry Hydrogen? 5. Administration (OSHA) the Hazard Communication Stan, © CP Lab Safety. You're about to find out. Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? What do astronauts do when they get angry? For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions. Q: Why do chemists like nitrates so much? ", "No," replies the doctor, "but it will make six months seem like a very long time.". Think of the midterm as a diagnostic tool. "... and now for the taste test.". "Baptize one. One to change it and three to write the environmental-impact statement. The third one ducks. 2. Q: What did one lab rat say to the other?A: "I've got my scientist so well trained that every time I push the buzzer, he brings me a snack. ", The physicist pulls out some technical references, models the problem on the computer and proudly announces "The answer is between 3.98 and 4.02. The second guy died. A: H-two-O-CUBED, Q: What is the chemical formula for the molecules in candy? Posted by Elizabeth Mulvahill Elizabeth Mulvahill is a teacher, writer and mom who loves learning new things, hearing people's stories and traveling the globe. ", The psychologist replies "How does 2+2 make you feel? Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. Click here to e-mail us and you could be featured in one of our upcoming emails. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Or perhaps an amusing anecdote from the lab that deserves a wider audience? (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na - BATMAN!). We have to do this! celebrating with our loved ones. What did the biologist wear on his first date? Teach students all about constellations and earth movement with this engaging science lesson plan. Engineering students are allowed to call themselves engineers, and someone like a computer science student has no trouble using it as a title, but fine art students can't call themselves baristas. Q: How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? The statistician yells, Yes! Science Math Social Sciences Computer Science Animals & Nature Humanities History & Culture Visual Arts Literature English Geography Philosophy Issues Languages English as a Second Language Spanish French German Italian Japanese Mandarin Russian Resources For Students & Parents For Educators For Adult Learners About Us Old chemistry teachers never die, they just fail to react. C - C, 4 A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a light bulb? 1. You’re just telling it wrong.”. An optimist sees a glass half full. Did you know?Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. The programmer’s wife tells him: “Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. A mushroom goes into in bar and says: “A round of drinks for everyone!” One customer says to another, “Well, he seems like a fun guy.” There are 10 types of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t. Alaska is the largest state (in area) in the United States. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent! Visit our Facebook page See our posts on national weather news, weather articles, natural disaster stories, and more of the exciting world of weather! We definitely need to insert humor into biology. Dogs are made up of calcium, nickel and neon (CaNiNe). Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S. One says, “Sorry. Susan was in chemistry. www.dhmo.org), "Everybody is a genius. She gets so mad that when … A: Pull down its genes. "I'm positive!". A: Na, Making bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon, Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!". It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. mr barton maths Teachers Students Jokes Puzzles Blog Podcast Twitter ondemand_video YouTube Pinterest Diagnostic Questions info About . A: They wash their hands before they go. A methodologist's wife had twins. 2. Q: What do you call a clown who's in jail? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? You would too if you had that many crabs on your bottom. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. \ / ", Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi, 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope, Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond, 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League, Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong, 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling, Shortest distance between two jokes = A straight line, 1 million-million microphones = 1 megaphone, 1000 milliliters of wet socks = 1 literhosen, (1) If something can go wrong, it will do so just before your grant is up for review, (2) If the reading on your detector is correct, then you forgot to plug it in, (3) If several things can go wrong then they will do so all at the same time, (4) If nothing can go wrong with your experiment, something still will, (5) Left unto itself, your experiment will go from bad to worse, On the other hand, if you pay attention to the experiment then it will take three times longer to complete than you thought it would, (7) A straight line will never fit your data, and using a wiggly line will result in the rejection by referees of the publication of work, (8) If you make a great discovery today, you will find a major error in your methods tomorrow, (9) In contrast to a radio, banging your apparatus when you are at peak frustration will not fix it but permanently break it, (10) When your experiment is just about to succeed, you will run out of grant money. The engineer looked up the model and serial number in his red-rubber-ball table. Star light, star bright First star I see tonight I wish I may, I wish I might Oh wait, it's just a satellite, Q: What do programmers and cats have in common? After picking her son up from school one day, the mother asks him what he did at school. Q: What did the biologist couple name their twins? And for more laughs, check out our favorite grammar jokes and science jokes. Einstein thought it would be relatively easy to attend. Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about Helium? Science pushes us to think outside of ourselves and analyze the world more closely. GCSE (9-1) Science for AQA Engaging resources for the AQA GCSE (9-1) Science specification that will develop and embed the skills your students need to succeed in the new, more challenging GCSEs. However, we’re going to look at the light side: biology jokes! said the ice. Q: Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? The hostess asked, “Would you like to sit at the bar?” The red cell replied, “No, thanks. What is H2O4?". The first logician says "I don't know." The third jumps up and shouts: “We got it!”. The first says, "Ill have some H20." We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects. She departed one day in a relative way and returned on the previous night. He rang the minister who was also delighted. Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage. They have all the solutions. Why are chemists so great at solving problems? But did you know it can also be funny? However, w, OSHA (Occupational Safety and Health Administration) has released new guidelines for ensuring proper, Wildfires on the west coast and northern U.S. have become A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium. Two. A: A man of many cultures. Two chemists walk into a bar. stating the concepts in their own words, and applying new found knowledge to a different situation. What did the receiver say to the radio wave? Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks. Their idea of a catalyst: Did you hear about the industrialist who had a huge chloroform spill at his factory? Timmy's teacher asks, "Where did you get that from?" One says to the other, "Are you all right?" Rene Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. They should have seen the doctor first, he'd Curium. CP Lab Safety wants YOUR best original or classic scientist humor! A sign outside the chemistry hotel reads "Great Day Rates, Even Better NO3-'s". Pierre and Marie Curie were radiating enthusiasm. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. / \ What gas never cries? The bartender says "Do you all want something to drink? Q: What do programmers and cats have in common? The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent! A: A silicon.Q: What did one ion say to the other? 3. A: A mole of molasses. The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. 89. ", The engineer said, "Our initial count must have been incorrect", The mathematician stated, "Now if one more person goes into the building it will be completely empty.". But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience. The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state. The engineer said, "Our initial count must have been incorrect" The mathematician stated, "Now if one more person goes into the building it will be completely empty.". the proper, The following information from provided by Boekel Scientific on February 28th, 2020. A: Separation anxiety.Q: What do you call Iron blowing in the wind?A: Febreeze. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? My other section is much better prepared than you guys. Science Kids is the online home of science & technology for children around the world. ", Timmy replies, "Yesterday you said it was H to O!". How to properly put on and remove a Disposable Face Mask (COVID-19), CP Lab Safety and Emery Pharma Donate to Alameda Point Collaborative, ​Happy 50th Anniversary, Earth Day! What did one paramecium say to the other paramecium? You Pb me to believe he's dead. Read about the latest advances in astronomy, biology, medicine, physics, social science, and more. If they have eggs, get a dozen.” The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread. Top Five Lies Told by Teaching Assistants: If Avogadro calls, tell him to leave his number.Never trust an atom... they make up everything!Are you a carbon sample? Cloud 9. 4. healthy and safe is top priority. Q: If a mole of moles were digging a mole of holes, what would you see? A: They bonded well from the minute they met.Q: How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? You can't have mass without me! To get to the same side! What do you call two dinosaurs that have been in an accident? C C DHMO is a major component of acid rain. -- doing stuff in a lab that would be a felony in your garage. The Bunsen burner replied, "It's just a phase you're going through.". Like the ideal vacuum, you're the only thing in my universe. Science (definition): -- a particular area of study-- doing stuff in a lab that would be a felony in your garage. No charge. Einstein looks up and immediately spots Newton standing right in front of him. Read our COVID-19 research and news. A Higgs Boson particle walks into a church, and the priest asks "Why did you come? This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. A: They bonded well from the minute they met.

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