I too have allowed myself to be crippled with paralyzing fear, paranoia, worry and doubt. I think asking what if is a natural question to ask when we are insecure. Overthinking about the possibility of cheating is only going to create an insecure attachment. I've been accused of making problems where there aren't any. Almost always, taking the time to get curious about your emotions and validate them is going to be more productive in the long run than simply avoiding them with overthinking. On a very basic level, overthinking is a form of avoidance. You can’t simply make yourself stop worrying. Psychologically speaking, there are two big benefits to writing down your overthinking rather than doing it in your head: If you are in the habit of overthinking frequently, give yourself the following rule: I will try my best not to overthink. Overthinking about the future usually occurs because you feel insecure about yourself. Now, break them into categories: Very Easy, Pretty Easy, Somewhat Difficult, Very Difficult. Maybe they don’t like to hold hands. If I had maintained the insecure stance of wondering what was wrong, I would have sat there another hour, and then another, overthinking, but still feeling frustrated and disrespected. Question for you: What scares you about looking into the other side of you? He doesn’t really care about you. Sometimes people suck, and you’re not always going to hear the things you want to hear. How would your marriage look if things were going really well? Before you conclude … You’ve probably heard of mindfulness meditation: sit down, close your eyes, and focus on your breath for 20 minutes. Lynette. You feel inadequate and doubt yourself, which in turn leads to overthinking. And the reason…. I now understand why overthinking has brought me so low, so many times including very low, now, during this lockdown. They honestly are probably just trying to save the friendship and avoid getting sick of each other too soon. Overcome your insecurities and stop overthinking! But these are some of the most common. Similarly, some early trauma or life experience may have initially caused your habit of overthinking, but there are likely maintaining causes in the present that keep it going. When I stop hating myself and procrastinating with practicing focusing on the good, like I’ve been doing for the past month, I’ll get back to my place of contentment and self-acceptance. YES I do overthink too much. Find a time in the early evening when you can sit down with a pen and paper quietly. Insecure people don’t think they are good enough, and they live in the constant fear that you are going to break up with them and leave them for someone else. You’ve got to keep him interested. CONSIDER THE BIGGER PICTURE. Micro-decisiveness means practicing being decisive in very small, low-stakes decisions. I like this and can relate 100%. A big reason why it can be so hard to stop worrying is because worry is one of our brain’s most effective ways to get you to remember things. Thanks Nick – In other words, assertiveness is the best of both worlds: you’re able to express yourself honestly while still being respectful of others. But this skill is essential if you want to be able to get yourself unstuck from patterns of overthinking. Do this daily for a couple weeks and you’ll find that your worries will settle down significantly because your mind trusts you to remember them. why am i such a pessimist. Adios, David. Sehingga mereka berpikir bahwa aktivitas atau perbuatan yang hendak dilakukan harus sempurna dengan tidak menimbulkan masalah setelah aktivitas tersebut selesai dilakukan. Make space for negative emotions to by normalizing them as “human feelings” and practice... 2) Focus on what you can control. Overthinking is the habit of applying analytical thinking and problem-solving in a situation where it is unhelpful or unproductive. Fortunately, you are well equipped to … Great article Nick ..as usual ur writing is lucid and practical…. Worry is one of the most common forms of overthinking. Wanting something that someone else has is human nature. You will never look back. And April, I too grew up with major criticism and rejection from my family. They are probably just busy and need to take that time getting other things done. Maybe over thinking is the quintessential method of most parents. Find your group chat here >> start new discussion reply. If there’s anything I have learned at all, do NOT, absolutely 100%, do NOT let your insecurities get the best of you. Home Coping with Anxiety, Over-thinking & Insecurities in your Relationship. Which means, if you’ve got things on your mind that you’re worried about and that your mind thinks are important, it’s going to throw them at you repeatedly so you don’t forget about them. Pada dasarnya overthinking dan insecure merupakan hal yang wajar jika berada dalam batasan tertentu. Which makes perfect sense: Overthinking can cause tremendous distress and suffering in our lives. Maybe over thinking is the quintessential method of most parents. This means that it will not happen overnight and will take a sustained effort. Overthinking things in a relationship can be beneficial in some aspects but also equally destructive. How could anyone love me? "You’re not going to be able to be attuned to your partner if … So scared to compete amongst the people who were far more intelligent than me. I think the biggest mistake people make in terms of being more decisive is starting with decisions that are too big. If you get in the habit of setting future thinking dates, you’ll eventually train your mind to be less insistent with its desire to overthink, which means you’ll have an easier time resisting in the moment. Well let me let you in on a little secret: not ever man likes big boobs, not ever man likes small boobs, not every man likes skinny girls, or tall girls, or girls with long hair, or girls with short hair, or chubby girls, or blonde girls, or brunette girls. …Maybe Self Compassion may be the answer to the time one feels lonely. Interesting read, as always. He’s very understanding and patient and has not given me any reason to feel so insecure … Overthinking is a loop of unproductive thoughts. It’s a neurological perspective on happiness and acceptance and really helped me to see why I have the patterns I do. It is important to work on yourself in order to let someone else in. Anxiety and overthinking tend to be evil partners. Sounds funny right? A good way to drop your habit of overthinking is to practice being decisive. And while little bits of negative self-talk like this might seem inconsequential, they’re anything but. But if I must, I will only do it on paper. Thanks, Lynette. Understanding it occurs, does not keep it from happening. It really wears me out. Recognizing it for what it is, and dealing with it appropriately when required. It helps to cultivate a deeper level of awareness of your overthinking, asking questions about … So here’s the thing: If you want to eliminate overthinking, you need to eliminate the need it serves. You can learn healthier ways of managing adversity, uncertainty, and risk, … Normally when we overthink, we are insecure about something. Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total). I've been accused of making problems where there aren't any. Insecurity is a feeling of inadequacy (not being good enough) and uncertainty. Hi my past relationships haven’t been very good, they have left me with trust issues and feeling insecure. This is the biggest repercussion of self-sabotaging behaviour. The key to this whole exercise, though, is that you have to treat it like a real appointment. ... Overthinking could create problems that didn’t exist before. You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Over thinking everything is one of my greatest challenges. And if you ever get really old this skill of organising seems to be at the fore, even when unasked. But you can train your mind to do it at the right time (and by extension, not at the wrong times). Tidak apa-apa untuk overthinking di saat tertentu dan merasa insecure sesekali. As bad-ass as you think you are, as strong as you think you are, chances are you still have things that you’re insecure about. It happens. Because when you get to know your values clearly, dropping bad habits like overthinking becomes much, much easier. Over-thinking stems from INSECURITY! Sending love and acceptance to you and hope you can find your peace and beauty to love and accept yourself! And the best way to do this is with a little exercise called Scheduled Worry. In becoming someone who self-sabotages the good things that happen in life.. Every man is different. We spend all day in thinking about mode, so it can be hard to transition out and into awareness mode. How do you remember the number until you get home? In situations such as ruminating about a past event in life – sometimes there seems to be a fine line between dealing with the impact properly and overthinking it. Ketika kita mengakuinya, maka kita sudah melakukan “Self Love”. I’m not much into leaving comments but I find your emails and articles so incredibly pragmatic and applicable I had to break the habit. An effective way to break the cycle of overthinking is to get good at spotting cognitive distortions in your self-talk. Insecure (adjective) not financially safe or secure; "a bad investment" "high risk investments" "anything that promises to pay too much can't help being risky" "speculative business enterprises" Princeton's WordNet. I ask myself a lot of "what if..." questions. Your kindness is beautiful. You’re not able to just relax because you regularly think something must be wrong. Do this exercise enough and your confidence in living with painful emotions will quickly rise. Overcome your insecurities and stop overthinking! When you live with anxiety, sometimes you’ll do whatever it takes to get outside of your head for a bit. In this video, you will learn the 4 steps that will help you to stop worrying and feeling insecure about your relationship. Our values pull us toward our goals and aspirations so we don’t have to expend so much energy pushing ourselves toward them. 6 Psychological Reasons You Feel So Emotional All the Time, 10 Tips for Sticking With Your New Year’s Goals, The Elements of Passion: 5 Questions from Psychology Research to Help You Find Your Passion, Self-Sabotage: Why You Do It and How to Stop for Good, Adaptive Thinking: How High-Performers Think When It Matters Most. Unfortunately, the overthinking is a quick fix: it may temporarily distract you from your anxiety and give you the illusion of control, but in the end, it doesn’t really address the thing you’re worried about and makes you more anxious and insecure in the long-run. Job 1: 5. Once you can be decisive in these very small decisions, then slowly work your way up to slightly harder decisions, building confidence along the way. Unfortunately, feeling like you’re solving problems doesn’t always mean you are solving problems. The most important thing to realize about what causes overthinking is that it comes from a good place. So scared to compete amongst the people who were far more intelligent than me. If you’re interested to learn more about the 5-5-5 Drill and improve your emotional tolerance, I go into a lot more depth about it in my course, Emotional Fitness Bootcamp. This topic has 7 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated, This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by. Also, keep in mind: you’re not solving your worries. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive. But what does that look like exactly? As a developing LPC, I spot topics that assist in my own world of tangled thoughts and emotions and helpful to pass along to needy clients. It’s hard to let go of overthinking if you’re not crystal clear on what you want to be doing instead. Also, keep in mind that the initial cause(s) of something can be very different than the maintaining cause(s). If you want to stop overthinking so much, the key is to understand why you do it and then implement targeted strategies to eliminate it. Other people are jealous of you too, you know. In those times when we find ourself in this position, we have to remember to trust the process. Overthinking can be associated with anxiety. If one partner holds on to harmful limiting beliefs, like being afraid of failure or thinking that they don’t deserve love, they won’t be able to trust completely – and trust is the foundation of any relationship.To work on self-love, first identify and overcome your limiting beliefs. What a lovely post this week. It can be a very stressful situation to find yourself in. Meditation and practice. These thoughts can snowball in your mind until, by the time your partner gets home, you’re feeling insecure, furious or paranoid. Love is exhilarating but also miserable, love is kind but also harsh. For example: While out for a walk in the evening, instead of listening to a podcast or thinking about that big fight you just had with your spouse, you could practice keeping your attention on how beautiful the trees in your neighborhood are. Here are 10 signs that you're an overthinker: I relive embarrassing moments in my head repeatedly. Change your Mindset. Thanks millions. Because when you can point out that your thinking is not entirely accurate, you’ll be more likely to generate a more balanced and emotionally neutral way of thinking. on my first day in a university i was so scared because i thought i have a big nose, ugly hands, ugly feet and a brain that doesn’t function properly. This articl is a one good example of overthinking itself! They may not even be totally aware they're operating on some of these assumptions. Then, when you do return to think about that thing, you’re doing it intentionally rather than reactively, which means you’re more likely to think about it in a helpful way rather than getting stuck in unhelpful forms of thinking like worry or rumination. Many of these thoughts have various cognitive distortions at their hearts. Make a list of your values, boundaries and preferred self-care activities. Thanks so much for this great reminder. Thankyou. Kidding, so useful and informative, appreciate the work you’ve done here Nick! If overthinking helps distract you from shame, you need another way to deal with shame. Love the “5-5-5 Drill” idea Nick – I’ll definitely be using that with some of my clients. Most of us feel insecure sometimes, but some of us feel insecure most of the time. Finally, much of the time you’ll find that when your future thinking date actually shows up, you’re not even concerned about the thing anymore and can simply drop it. However, I have had a lot of trouble actually doing this (or feeling as though I had) for more than a couple months at a time. While there is validation to the feelings you have, what if you say to yourself: Yes, I have all those ugly things… accept that is is nothing but just and nothing more than “opinions” you need not become what others think of you not so? And when it comes to overthinking, there’s a simpler version of mindfulness that can often be just as effective: I call it ordinary mindfulness. Yup… You just say it to yourself over and over again in your mind. Circle of life, ok, I agree; but how can I stop / reduce this continous overthinking? Insecure Lance (Voltron) Insecure Keith (Voltron) Shiro and Adam are basically Keith's dads; 4seasonsofklance; Summary. 2. Their inner monologue includes two destructive thought patterns—ruminating and worrying.” Overthinking is a condition experienced by more people than you may realize. Which means you tend to overthink even more. Overthinking and overanalyzing may be counterproductive when people start developing a false image of their partner, themselves, and the relationship itself. In most cases, they are probably just jealous you have the money to afford going to the salon and pampering yourself or being able to walk around in Crocs and own it. i am 20 years old now. Usually the situation I so fear never materializes, or an attempt on my behalf to sway the outcome to prevent what it is I fear, usually develops the self fulfilling prophecy. Therefore, overthinking is a behavior you can change if you want to. You’re just listing them. Am I overthinking and insecure or does he actually like me? Next, order those decisions from least consequential to most consequential. When Allura turns Lance down in joining him for his family's dinner, there's only one person Lance wants to talk to. I see myself everywhere in it. Even in case you two have gone through it before, now is not the time to stop talking things out. In other words, the habit of overthinking comes from perfectly understandable and even helpful behaviors. Thank you so much. You can stop your mind from throwing so many worries at you by convincing your mind that you remember the worries and have a place to put them. And this is where micro-decisiveness comes in…. far more beautiful and pretty. I believe insecurity is the root of what you present. Okay, that’s enough of a preamble. They still believe in the one. You WILL see him. This means you should put it in your calendar and set a reminder. Big, small, rational, irrational, whatever. I find your insights very practical. Instead, you’d start with a very small weight—maybe just the bar—and lift that until you got comfortable with your technique. Luckily, the capacity to be assertive is a skill anyone can learn and get better at regardless of your personality, temperament, or history. Use this tool to help yourself grow into becoming the person you want to be. Decisions don’t get made, difficult feelings don’t get properly dealt with or processes, uncomfortable relationship tension never gets genuinely addressed. Commit to being decisive in one Very Easy decision each day. Avoiding overthinking and jumping to conclusions could be the key to overcoming your relationship anxiety. In fact, overthinking is like a magnifying glass for emotional suffering: from anxiety and grief to anger and guilt, overthinking only amplifies painful emotion. Very helpful material . Shift your focus on the task at hand According to Kamna, it is extremely important to concentrate on the tasks you’re busy with whenever your brain goes down the road of overthinking.. For example, if you’re worried about whether you’ll be getting a promotion or not, it is best to analyse what you need to do for that professional growth instead of stressing over it. Because when you understand the psychology behind overthinking, it will be much easier to respond to it in a healthy way—and eventually, free yourself from it. It’s so easy to let it take you down the road of negatives and worst case scenarios. If you have a nice romantic weekend planned out with your man and last minute he tells you he needs to go home and get some things done before hanging out, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care. He worried that one of his children might inadvertently do something wrong, and incur God’s wrath. Hi Nick When you over-think, you most likely do this because of that crippling fear that you may not be good enough for this person because of whatever “flaws” you may have, or whatever past failures you’ve had. You are a valuable person that needs not to be insecure about anyone or anything. Fundamentally, overthinking is a habit. When overthinking becomes a consistent part of your life, it can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, relationship conflict, and many other problems. Always have the mentality that you can truly conquer anything and success will be in your future. You insecure little boy. Like a snake biting it’s own tail. For most of my life I hid from myself in relationships. 2. How could anyone find me more beautiful than someone else who may be thinner or have larger “physical” features than I do? "If you struggle with anxiety, your gut is overactive and often interpreting benign external information, internal sensations, or passing thoughts as threats," Weinberg says. But getting lost in a sort of overthinking disorder can result in becoming someone who stands still in life. It’s something we do. But I still encourage others who suffer as I do to try it! And this is where values come in. Once your 10 minutes is up, stop, put the paper away until tomorrow, and get on with your evening. Here are a handful of the most common causes of overthinking: Obviously there are many more causes—both initiating and maintaining—that lead to overthinking. This certain guy and I hit it off, talked for a week on the app, he wants to teach me how to fish and have me visit his state as we live about 6 hours away. This was a terrific post! What would you like specifically to be different? Unless, of course, you have a better strategy for remembering important/worrisome things…. The psychotherapist Amy Morin says this about overthinking: “While everyone overthinks things once in a while, some people just can’t ever seem to quiet the constant barrage of thoughts. they said i have ugly hands. Brainstorm a list of as many possible decisions you might face on a regular basis as you can. Your man is with you because he loves every ounce of you. Overthinking in its simplest form is excessive thinking about a problem while losing focus on the bigger picture. Hi Nick, Insecurity Based on Recent Failure or Rejection. How we habitually think determines how we habitually feel. Such simple yet powerful tools provided to help. Even though it’s an incredibly powerful tool, there are many times when it’s not useful and even makes things worse. they said i have such frizzy hair a bee would get stuck and beg you to let it out. Which means…. Be Aware Of Your Thought Process And Anxiety Triggers. This simple technique called Scheduling a future thinking date is effective because it helps remind you that just because your mind wants you to think about something now doesn’t mean you have to. It’s the helpful middle ground between being overly passive and deferential to other people’s wants and needs and being overly aggressive and disrespectful of the rights of others. And when this happens, you’ll find that you’re able to tolerate emotions much better; and as a consequence, your need to use things like overthinking to distract yourself from them will decline sharply. 7. That’s how you get to the point of lifting 300 pounds!

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